I did it!!!

I made my short term goal! I have lost 8 lbs!!! Woohoo!

New short term goal needed now, I guess! :)

I take that back-- I'm doing fine!

I just looked at my food diary and I'm actually doing fine. I don't know why I was getting uptight about it. I mean, I'm not anywhere near 1200 calories, but I'm still hovering around 1600, usually under that. That's pretty good. Gosh-- I just need to cut myself a break!

Anyway... I'm doing good. Yeah!

I haven't been doing too well

Honestly, I thought I was doing great, but my weight jumped back up. (I know, I know! Don't weight every day!) Anyway, it frustrated me. And I was sick and fell into the whole "I deserve this fast food" shame spiral that happens. I'm making up for it today (so far, so good), but I'm stressed out and tired and still not feeling 100%. I just want to go home, but I hate to use up my sick time. So, I'll stick it out for a couple hours and crumple when I get home. :(

At least I have tomorrow off! I had big plans with my nieces, but that's been called off. So... I'll just have to think of fun stuff to do with them at home, I guess.

Food diary

I was writing in an associated blog for my food diary, but it's hard to keep up, so I've decided to use the one at MedHelp. That one's nice too because it gives you totals for all your calories and nutrients. It's great! I've already noticed that I'm eating more calories than I thought, but getting a good variety of food.

I thought I was around 1400 cals a day, but it's more like 1600 cals. I think that will just have to suffice for now. Maybe when I hit a plateau I can play with my calorie intake. For now, I'm happy with how things are. I don't feel very deprived all that often and when I do, I make a quasi desert-type thing (like graham crackers with a few semi-sweet chocolate chips) and it seems to calm my cravings. Also, because it's cold out, I'm loving hot chocolate! But only one a day and low fat, low sugar (Nesquik). Still, it adds a couple hundred calories, which is why my cals aren't as low as I'd hoped.

Phen-D turned out to be a mistake. It made my whole body feel tense, like I was on a really fast roller coaster. I don't know how to explain it, but I didn't like it. I got a cramp in my neck a couple times with it and decided to call it quits. It really did help with appetite suppression, but I feel like I have to learn how to talk myself through hunger at some point anyway.

I will always remember what Oprah Winfrey said about hunger pains. She said her trainer told her, "It's not hunger, it's your body losing weight." That helps. If I'm not feeling weak, etc., then it's not really hunger. Seems to be working for me anyway!

Almost 1 week

I've done really well this last week. When things got tough, I thought to myself, "If I don't eat extra right now, I will lose 1lb as a result." If that were really true, I would have lost 20lbs this week! As it is, I think I've lost 3lbs which is great!

Anyway, things are pretty good.

This week: -3 lbs

Total: -3lbs

After one day...

Feels good to be back in the saddle. I feel more in control of my life which is a nice change.

I went grocery shopping last night and was rather pleased with myself for planning meals and buying only what was on my list. My only mistake was picking up sweet potatoes rather than regular baking potatoes. At least the bag was only $1! Now... to come up with a recipe using sweet potatoes... Also, the store didn't have leeks, which was a disappointment.

On the up side, I have a wonderful lunch planned and waiting for me. I do like eating good food-- good for me, that is. It's amazing how eating the right foods makes you feel so much better!

And, although I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day, I did weigh myself today and I was down 1lb! It's amazing what no soda will do! :)

Starting Over

Well, I had some good success with the weight doctor and being in the play helped me get some exercise, but I let all that work go to waste and have gained back everything I lost. Serious bummer! But I'm getting back into it again, this time using the weight doctor's diet, but not relying on the weight doctor. If I went back now, I'd have to pay the initial fee again and that's just too much $$ right now. Besides, I really thought the shots were worthless.

I do have a bunch of the Phen-D left, though. I've decided to cut the pills in half and see if a half dose will help curb hunger and help me jump start my efforts. I recently have been trying to stop drinking caffeine, so I am more tired than usual lately. If I eat a whole lot less as well, I'll be pretty grumpy. The Phen-D helps with energy (just like caffeine-- well... like a lot of caffeine) and mood. I should look back at my old posts and see what I said about side effects before I become hooked on this stuff.

Anyway... so I have some pretty good reasons to keep me going right now. One is I have noticed a difference in my energy level-- it's hard to carry around this fat body! I also feel like my moods are erratic since I've been eating a lot of sugar. I have to remember that I'm pre-diabetic and there is a cure--it's called losing weight. I'm getting concerned about my health and I know that it is completely within my control. Finally, I've been eating at the cafeteria at work way too much and it's just expensive. I could save so much by bringing my lunch and could lose weight besides!

So, there you have it. My old goals are back, but I'm breaking them down much smaller this time. I just need to focus on getting to Christmas right now, then I can look forward to next Spring. This fight is life-long. It makes me sad that I've been so hard on my body for so long. I thought I was making such good progress emotionally before, but those old patterns are so deeply entrenched...

The upside is that I still haven't gained back everything I lost with Jenny Craig all those years ago. That's a pretty good endorsement for a program! Well, it also just shows how poorly I was eating those first couple years of law school. At my highest, I weighed over 20lbs more than I do now. Of course, after Jenny Craig, I weighed 20lbs less than I do now. Which goes to show how poorly I've been eating lately.

It's OK. I'm working on it now.

I'm just going to accept that the Wii is sometimes right

I didn't go to the weight doctor on Monday for several reasons: 1) I was tired, 2) I didn't want to use the gas/miles, 3) I don't really believe the B5/6 shot they give me is really worth it, and 4) the Wii already told me I lost weight. I think I'll just skip this week and go next week.

The thing is, while it's not expensive to go to the weight doctor (just $15 for the shot each week), it's still money that I won't be getting back and I'm not totally convinced that the B5/6 really works. I mean, I'm all for vitamins, but I think my body should be able to lose weight just by eating less and exercising.

Speaking of exercise, I started working out at Chelsea's parents' this week. They have a workout room with a recumbant bike, eliptical machine, and weights. I did the eliptical for 15 minutes and the bike for 5, then we did a little weight training. This was on Monday. It was good, but I wasn't sore the next day, so I'm pretty sure I didn't work as hard as I should have.

Some happy news, though-- I was upset yesterday because I haven't heard about any jobs and I was telling my friend Becky. She said, "Well, on the upside, those pants are looking too big for you! Like, falling-off-your-body big." I must admit, that did make me feel better. :)

Well, we'll see what the weight doctor has in store for me next time... Maybe I'll go on Saturday. I wish I could go get weighed without having to get the shot. That's just not how it works. They would still charge me $15.

This week: -6lbs (according to the Wii, but since I skipped the weight doctor, I'll accept it as truth)

Total: -18.84lbs

Not much to report

Well, I am VERY happy to report that I have reached my short-term goal to lose 12lbs by 5/15! With almost a lb to spare, I might add. Nice. Also, seeing those inches come off is fun, too. :)

Things are going fine. I really don't have much to report. I'm just hanging around... looking for and applying to jobs. It's HARD! Every job has its own online application where you are asked to fill out your education and work history. It's surprising, actually, that no one has created a commercial resume/application filling product where you could fill that information in once and never have to worry about it again. Just import your data into an application and away you go! That would be great.

Anyway... I'm tired and everyone at work is getting on my nerves. I'm so tired of commuting every day. It's exhausting. And why are people so loud in here?! I want to close my door but it's just me and the secretary and the security guard today. But it's the people using our meeting room across the hall that are driving me crazy! What are they doing over there-- playing raquetball?

This week: -2.2lbs

Total: -12.84 lbs

Admitedly, this isn't always so easy...

Well, life certainly is stressful sometimes. That makes for some strong cravings... add to that the fact that I forgot to take the PhenD on Saturday and rehearsal ran long and you have one crabby chocolate-deprived girl. I'm doing my best though.

According to the Wii last night, I have lost 1.2lbs this week. I won't make it to the weight doctor until Thursday, so we'll just have to wait for a formal number. 1.2lbs isn't bad, but it isn't great. And I know exactly why is isn't great.

It all boils down to my dislike of sandwiches. I don't know when this happened, but I generally don't enjoy them. They're OK (and sometimes even delicious) with the right kind of bread and fillers. Lately, however, I am just plain tired of them. The bread sticks to your teeth and the stuff inside is rarely very good. Lunchmeat can never be more than lunchmeat.

So, what did I do? Well, you probably read about the Church's chicken experiement (must never do that again) and then there was the going out for a "salad" (it ended up being 1/2 a chicken slider and a salad) during rehearsal. That all adds up. But I did my best and considering the fact that I am feeling the full pressure of imminent joblessness... I think I did OK.

But, that's all about to change, isn't it? I will get a job soon enough (I've been promised!) and will be able to support myself. So, I don't need to feel stress. I just need to keep plugging along. Also, Rusty said that he would be happy to let me stay with him until I find a job. I told him I could be his cook. He laughed, but then said he'd pay me for it-- room and board (assuming I'm still unemployed). I'm so lucky to have such a generous brother! I have no idea how things are going to work out, but it's great to know that I have options if things go south.

I just feel really blessed right now. It's so wonderful to have a great family support system and to be such good friends with my family members on top of that! Life is ok in the end.

This week: -1.2lbs

Total: -12lbs

I am stronger than I thought...

I was fearful, as my boss was telling me that my internship will definitely end in July, that I would fall off the wagon and go crazy with ice cream, chocolate, etc. When I left work, I was very hungry and I thought about Sonic... so easy, so delicious!

But I just told myself to stop thinking about that stuff and just eat what I had with me for dinner. So, on the way to rehearsal, I ate my good food and try to pep myself up. That only kind of worked. But by the time I got there, I felt a lot better, although I realized I had forgotten to bring half of my food with me!

So, after rehearsal, I asked Becky if she wanted to go out to dinner. We went to Rudy's Mexican restaurant (which is my new favorite dive). The menu was inviting and I was starving! But, I guess I am stronger than I thought!

I actually was able to calculate what I could eat on the menu and what I definitely should not have. No chimichanga for me. No cheesy quesadilla. No chips before the waitress took my order! I was amazing. I got a dinner salad with some guacamole (delicious, but very spicy!!) and a chicken soft taco. Not only did I get the right kind of food, I loved it AND it was VERY cheap! Then, the waitress pushed soft-serve ice cream on us ("It's free with your dinner! It's fat free! Have some!"). I caved! She brought it over and I picked up the little plastic spoon, dipped it in and had a bite. But just one! It was hardly even difficult to push the cup away from me after that.

I was very proud of myself. And I am today, too! I didn't pack a lunch because... well... I'm tired of sandwiches. (Note to self: bring real food next week!) I was talking about it with Chelsea this morning and she said I could have one of her frozen meals because they were "pretty good" when it came to calories, etc. (I'm supposed to have 220-250 cals per meal). So, she pulled out a Marie Callendar's chicken parmesan-- 640 cals! Chicken alfredo-- 330! That's a lot of calories! I thanked her, but said no.

So... long story somewhat shorter-- I went to Church's Chicken for lunch. Really not the best place to find healthy food. I can't claim that what I had was healthy, but it was at least the right calorie/carb content. I had missed a meat at breakfast, so I was able to eat 3 servings of meat and a starch. Luckily, I did bring carrots and applesauce with me to fill out my fruit/veggie requirements. I ended up getting a chicken strip meal with no sides. It came with four strips and, after reading the nutritional information on line, I found that I could have two strips. And oh my goodness, it was yummy. A little too yummy, I'm afraid.

So, now I'm full and happy. :) Kim and I are going out to eat, though, and this might present another challenge. It'll be easier if we go somewhere I can have fish. Restaurants tend to treat fish a little better than they treat other meats. As long as I don't get anything fried, it shouldn't be too big of a deal.

I guess this ended up being a food diary entry of sorts. Sorry about that.

Birthday party update

I wrote earlier about the challenge of going to a birthday party and avoiding the cake. Well, I got sick, so I didn't go. Hooray! Temptation averted!

But it stil leaves open the question of how to handle that situation when I don't feel particularly strong. I think maybe having a buddy to remind me and stick up for me if people start to lay on the pressure could help. Hm... worth considering.

Long rant... sorry. Good week, though

So, another good week. I lost 3.5lbs! Yay!

I missed my meds once or twice this week which made it a little harder. It's funny because I had gotten used to what it feels like to be on PhenD, so when I didn't take it I kept thinking, "Why am I so hungry?" It really does work.

My biggest problem this week is generally not feeling like eating. I'm tired of all the food-- it just feels like so much. I guess because I have to be constantly thinking about what I'm going to make, how much, etc. This is why Jenny Craig was so easy-- I never had to think. I just had to chew and swallow.

On the other hand, it's a good thing because I'm getting used to planning out what I eat. The first couple week, I didn't mind the repetative meals (egg for breakfast, sandwich for lunch...). Now, though, I'm craving variety. So instead of just boiled chicken, I bought ground turkey (thank you, Biggest Loser!) and made turkey spaghetti. It was delicious. And I'm trying to vary the kinds of fruit I eat as well.

I thought drinking enough water was going to be a problem, but it really isn't. The PhenD makes me thirsty anyway, but then I also have just gotten used to not drinking anything but water and milk. It's not so bad.

The worst "temptations" (if you can even call them that) this week have been commercials. Pizza! Chicken! Pepsi! They all look so appealing on TV. I was watching TV the other day when a Pizza Hut commercial came on and I thought, "Ah, those were the good old days. Coming home from law school, being really tired and ordering a pizza. Then zoning out in front of the TV while stuffing myself into numbness." I remembered what that super-stuffed feeling was like and I wanted that again. I don't even remember what had happened during the day-- or if there even was anything that happened that made me crave food. Maybe it was just the commercial.

But that yearning for high-fat, high-calorie comfort food also made me sad. Maybe it's because there were a lot of sad feelings I was trying to cover up with food, so much so that now that food means not only comfort, but sadness, too.

It's not all meloncholy these days, though. In fact, it was just that one time that I started to look back at my habits and feel sorry for myself-- for the "old" me. I'm also noticing that sometimes, I really judge people for what they eat. I can't believe it, but there are moments when I see a pudgy person eating junk food and I think, "And you wonder why you're pudgy?" I don't want to judge other people for their food choices, though. That's not right. And I don't want to feel self-righteous because I'm making good choices, either. Hm.

Finally... (I guess it's been too long since I blogged. Sorry, this is getting really rambling...) Finally, I'm realizing just how out of touch most people seem to be when it comes to eating right. I read a student's paper about obesity in America and it said a Whopper has something like 1,500 calories which is "3/4 of your daily calories." Three-fourths of whose calories? That's at least 300 calories more than what I should be eating and I'm average height for a woman. It's 3/4 of the daily calories for the average man, maybe.

This week: -3.5lbs

Total: -10.64lbs

Had a cold, went to rehearsal

Man, if this play doesn't help me lose weight, nothing will! I can't really remember the last time I worked this hard! Now, dancing isn't something that I consider one of my intrinsic talents, so there's a little bit of self-doubt going on. At least I'm remembering the steps for the most part.
They post the videos of our rehearsal online which is mortifying. I can see myself a few times here and there and it's not a pretty sight! Yikes! I have to lose so much weight. Let's see... the play is on June 26th, so that gives me 7.5 weeks. 2lbs/week means 15 pounds. That doesn't seem like a lot. Now, if I could lose 3lbs/week then it could really be something!
I weighed myself on the Wii today. I know, I know... I shouldn't do that because it only sets me up for dissappointment later. Oh well. It says I'm down 2.2 lbs this week. Yay! Well, I should really hold my yay's until I actually go to the doctor on Monday.
OK, enough obsessing about lbs lost. I am losing just fine without added pressure to meet some kind of deadline by a certain date. This will be a long process-- and it's better that way. I will be more likely to keep the weight off if I take my time with it.
Anyway... I need to shower. I'm stinky from rehearsal and tired!!
PS. I had a cold and now it's pretty much gone.

Whew! I survived!

I thought that rehearsal would be the death of me. I also thought I was going to be really achy afterwards. It wasn't too bad today. The worst part was my knees-- they just feel tight. They don't hurt or anything, but they're just not feeling quite normal.

So, tomorrow might be my first big test (when it comes to eating right). Amber is throwing a party for Leighann and no one is coming. Amber said she bought a Dairy Queen cake... Scary for me! Not only does ice cream sound pretty good right about now, but I also feel like I have to eat some because Amber went to the trouble.

OK, easy problem first: Amber's wasted effort. It's not my fault she bought the cake before anyone responded to the invitation. It's not my fault Dairy Queen cakes are expensive. I have every right to not eat any of it. And if she gets huffy, I'll just remind her that she has been in my shoes before-- trying to eat right with other people trying to push food on her.

The other problem: I kinda want some! Well, right at the moment I'm hungry since it's the middle of the night and I'm still up. (Why am I still up, by the way?) Also, I view food as a bonding experience. I need to remember that eating the cake will not strengthen our friendships. We can share other things-- like the games and movie that we will enjoy. If I absolutely must have some cake, I can work it in. There are things I can take out of my diet to allow for it. But the cake will not make me happier-- not eating the cake, on the other hand, might.

OK, I think I'm ready.

Ouch

First rehearsal for the play today. It was... exhausting. I'm tired and achy already. It's so good for me. Ouch.

Second week done!

My second week is done and I feel like I did pretty dang well. I only lost 2 lbs 2 oz, but that's a good, healthy amount. Of course, I'd love to see the dramatic numbers, but that can't always be.

On Wednesday, I'm assured that we are going to start learning the dances for Joseph. This last week it was all singing, so it was boring and no exercise. This week, I'll put on my dancing shoes and go to town!

Maybe this week I'll see some more dramatic weight loss...?

This week: -2.125lbs
Total: -7.125lbs

Mercury poisoning makes you realize...

So today I broke a high efficiency light bulb and it cut me. I was trying to change it and it wouldn't come out so I grabbed kind of tightly and started to turn... A loud POP came as it shattered in my hand, puncturing my finger in the process. It hurt. And then I got scared because of the mercury.

Needless to say, I'm fine. But I was a little concerned because all of the "clean up" instructions online make it very clear you shouldn't touch the thing with bare hands. Well, in all of the hubbub, I didn't take my morning dose of PhenD. And I felt fine. I was perfectly happy going along with my day, eating what I was supposed to. Sure, I felt more hunger than I have in the last two weeks, but it wasn't a big deal.

Then I got sleepy. Really, really sleepy. And I started to feel pouty. I wanted my mommy or my cat or someone to worry about me and tell me it would be OK. Chelsea asked me if I wanted chocolate and I really did.

But I realized that sure I had a little injury, but what was really affecting me was that I hadn't had my drugs. Uh oh. I am a little dependent on that stuff. It's not like I was super depressed, but I did feel low and mopey. So, I think I'll stay on it for a while until I have a good two days where I don't have to go anywhere and I can sleep all day.

But I also realized something else-- even though I had a perfectly good reason to indulge in chocolate (I was injured! I was tired! I missed Jackie! I deserved candy for goodness sake!) I didn't want it. I had the prescence of mind to realize that what I really wanted was comfort-- not food. And that made it easier to say no.

And then I took my PhenD.

Thoughts about being a food addict...

"Food addict" sounds dramatic, doesn't it? But when I look at how I use food, that's what it seems like: an addiction. When I'm tired or frustrated, I think to myself, "I deserve this candy." When I want to have a good time with people, I suggest going out to eat, not just because it's a good place to sit around and talk, but because I associate closeness with food. There are tons of examples like this.

I read online about food addiction and they talked about how eating creates a "high" for some people. The mere act of eating-- not digesting the food, just going through the motions of tasting and chewing-- increases serotonin or something in the brain. This clicked for me. When I'm exceptionally tired and stressed, just starting to eat makes me relax. Sometimes even sitting down with the food, before even taking one bite, and I feel better.

So... how would one go about changing their way of thinking about food so that it's not an addiction, but merely "fueling up"? Well, if the folks at Food Addicts Anonymous know what they're talking about, you have to treat it like any addiction and go through the 12 steps. I'm not convinced I'm quite in that boat. I have strange thought patterns about food, but I don't think I've ever hurt anyone because of it (other than myself).

But they do have some good ideas. One is to just take it one day at a time. There's no need for me to worry about my birthday (do I eat cake or no?), I just have to face what's in front of me today. Today, I can control what I put into my body. Another "mantra" I found interesting was "Today, I have a choice." I am not controlled by food or my cravings. I control what I do.

My personal tactic is to focus on my thinking. Why do I crave the ranch biscuits from Red Lobster right now? Am I hungry for bread or am I tired/sad/stressed out and need an outlet? A while ago (a couple years now, I guess) I read Dr. Phil's weight loss book (I know, I know). He talks about slowing down your thinking to see what the trail was that got you to where you're at. He says that once we get a habit or pattern established, our thoughts move so quickly from cause to reaction that we don't even notice anymore. I eat when I'm sad without actually thinking the thoughts, "This ice cream will make me happier." I just eat.

So, putting all of it together, once upon a time, I connected eating with relief of some kind (relaxation, happiness) and now that connection is part of my thinking. Now, when I'm tired/sad/stressed I eat and I feel an immediate relief (probably because of the emotional association) and then a later physical reaction as my body digests the food. Usually, it's food with a high sugar content, so I get a sugar high. Then I crash when the sugar wears off and my problem has not gone away. Add in the fact that I now feel bad/stupid for eating poorly. So I do it again to make myself feel better.

Nasty cycle.

The long and short of it (well, too late for it to really be short, isn't it?) is that I believe it starts in the mind. "As a man thinketh, so is he," right? I want to change the way I think so I can deal with my emotions in a healthy way rather than smother them with deep fried denial.

But that's a rant for another time.

First night of rehearsals done

So, we had rehearsal last night which was basically just a lot of sitting around, singing. As a dancer, I don't think I'll be singing very much as evidenced by the fact that when I didn't have music and asked for some they asked, "Are you in the chorus?" and I told them no, I was a dancer and they said, "Oh. You won't need it." Ah. Very good then.

But no dancing last night. I'm hoping that we'll start dancing on Saturday even though they told us we'll be doing a sing-through on Saturday. (Sounds like more sitting around, right?) I just wanna dance!

My biggest concern right now is my memory. It is getting very bad indeed. A couple times my roomates have had to remind me of things they told me the day before and I had no memory at all of it. That hasn't happened to me for a long time. Then I forgot my laptop at home two days in a row. Whenever I'm getting ready, I notice that I'm forgetting little things like my phone and I'll have to go back upstairs to get it. Again, this is new for me... at least to this extent. Then I left my phone at work yesterday. And I forgot to get the $$ due for VW to Dad. I don't know if I'm just not getting enough sleep or if it's a side-effect of the PhenD. I'll look it up.

Other than that things are going well. I'm trying not to weigh myself this week until I go back in on Monday. That might be hard to do. If I get frustrated, maybe I'll weigh myself to see the progress.

Those meal replacement bars aren't a great idea for me. They don't actually replace all the calories from a meal so I end up getting cranky when my meds wear off. Really cranky. It wasn't pretty last night. If I'm going to eat them, I have to eat other foods along with it. I think they may work better for breakfast because I'm not as tired in the morning and I take the PhenD about two hours after breakfast anyway.

Total: -5lbs

Doing kinda better

Today, I tried to keep looking on the bright side. I don't want to get frustrated after only one week doing this thing! Besides, I lost a lot of weight last week!

I just keep trying to picture myself thin and imagine how great that will feel. What I have to remember is that it's not like one day I'll wake up skinny. The whole time I'm getting down there will be fun because I'll keep seeing my body change. That will be awesome! Every milestone will feel fantastic!

First week done

Well, that was depressing. After weighing myself at home and seeing 7lbs come off, I expected to see at least that much on the scale at the doctor's. Not to be. The official number is 5lbs. Down 5lbs. Did I gain two pounds in the two days since I weighed myself at home? Probably not. Well... possibly, I guess.

All I know is I did everything right my first week (aside from a little too much mayo a couple times). I should just be proud of myself for that, but it's hard not to feel disappointed when the Wii told me something different than the scale at the doctor.

BUT Samantha said that she only lost 4lbs her first week, but that the weight loss was generally consistent. So... maybe I can get another couple weeks of dramatic numbers (like 5!)-- wouldn't that be cool? We'll see. I do start play rehearsal this week, so that will mean a lot more exercise in my life.

I was talking to Kim the other day about why it is that people gain back weight they've already lost. I mean, I know why-- they go back to eating poorly and not exercising-- but why do they let themselves? I don't want to return to former habits after this. I want to change how I process my feelings, etc so I don't turn to food for comfort, quick energy, etc. How do I change the way I think?

This week: -5lbs
Total: -5lbs

Week one almost finished...

I'm nervous for tomorrow! I'm going to the weight doctor for my first check in. So far, I think I've lost quite a bit for the first week, but I'm still holding my breath. I worry that I'll gain all of this water weight all of a sudden or something.

My second diuretic wasn't nearly as dramatic as the first. I lost 4.6lbs with the first one and may 1lb with the second one. I guess that's a good sign that I'm not retaining water.

Anyway... I'm getting into a routine with eating and that's nice. It still doesn't feel like a burden which is good. There were a couple of moments when I wanted something delicious (movie popcorn, anyone?), but I did a good job to stay away. I'm proud of myself!

The musical starts on Wednesday. That should be a lot of fun and some good aerobic exercise! Hopefully that will help me to drop some more. I know that I need to incorporate working out into my life somehow-- it just seems like I'm so busy! How do people do it all?

This week: -7lbs
Total: -7lbs

Whew! Day 3.

Well, I'm still right on track. I thought today was going to be really hard because I worked from home, but it turned out alright. The hardest part was right before dinner-- I just wanted to EAT!!!

I tried saving up my fruits so I could get a Jamba Juice w/out ice cream (just fruit and ice). While it tasted great, it was hard not to have the whole thing (I really should only have about 1/2 of a small one which would count as 3 fruits). But I did stop before finishing it! I felt good about that.

I'm noticing that I'm pretty obsessed with what I eat right now. If I didn't think it was weird to do so, I would probably talk about my eating habits constantly. Good thing I have a blog where I can do that!

I took the PhenD a little earlier today and it seemed to work better that way. I actually fell asleep before 11 while watching a movie! The last few days I've found it hard to sleep-- I just didn't feel tired at all. I think I'll stick with the earlier schedule.

Well, tomorrow I'm doing the garage sale (finally!) but it's also another day of diuretic. Could be a crazy day! I'm trying not to hope for too big a weight loss since I already did the diuretic once earlier this week. I probably shouldn't weigh myself until I go to the doctor again on Monday.

We'll see how that goes!

This week: - 5.9lbs
Total: -5.9lbs

2nd Day, still going!

Usually the 2nd day is the hardest for me when I start eating differently. This time, it wasn't too bad.

The biggest mistake I made was having the meal replacement bar, but not having any other food with it. It was several hours before I ate again and it wasn't great. I read somewhere about PhenD that you have to make sure to eat because being very hungry (low energy) along with the false sense of energy the pill gives you can make you feel tense and shaky. That's what happened to me. I just felt PMSed or something. I was perfectly fine after I ate, though.

It's good to know the meal replacements aren't meant to be eaten alone. I bought them so I could use them when I go from work to rehearsal (starting next week). Now I know to plan on bringing some other foods with me.

And, guess what? Another 1.3lbs lost. I'm trying to not get an unrealistic expectation for how I will lose after this week. Samantha said she lost 2-4lbs/week consistently the whole time she was on it (about a year). That is really good and I need to remember that when things slow down to that level, it's a good thing-- healthier.

This week: -5.9lbs
Total: -5.9lbs

First post, first week, first day

I just started on a weight-loss program with Dr. James Martin in Mesa, AZ. The program includes a 1,000 cal diet (modeled after the old diabetics diet w/ exchanges, remember that?), weekly B5/B6 shots, B5/B6 oral spray, appetite suppressants and diuretics (to be used occasionally). It is quite a lot to keep track of. So far, I'm thinking more about all the things I have to do than about the food I'm missing!

This might also have something to do with the appetite suppressant I'm taking. It is phendimetrazine (PhenD) which is essentially a milder version phentermine (PhenT) and makes me feel like I've just downed two Cokes. I feel slightly caffeinated, but not too jittery. The biggest effect (other than the lack of hunger) is optimism. Yes, that's right: optimism. I would say it's unnatural optimism, but that makes me sound like a pessimistic person. I just feel like everything will work out all the time. Maybe that's because it will. Or maybe it's because of the drugs. :)

At any rate, I had to take the diuretic for the first time yesterday and I was in the restroom like 7 times during work! (Maybe that's a slight exaggeration! Very slight.) It seems to have paid off because I lost 4.6lbs yesterday. Now my fear is that I'll just put that water weight back on because it came off unnaturally.

So, I feel pretty good (thank you, PhenD!) and I'm glad I'm eating so much more healthily. I know this won't be a quick fix for me. Even with drugs and diuretics, it will take a good, long while to get to my overall goal weight. Then the goal will be to keep it off. It will be a lifelong process.

This week: -4.6lbs
Total: -4.6lbs