I do have a bunch of the Phen-D left, though. I've decided to cut the pills in half and see if a half dose will help curb hunger and help me jump start my efforts. I recently have been trying to stop drinking caffeine, so I am more tired than usual lately. If I eat a whole lot less as well, I'll be pretty grumpy. The Phen-D helps with energy (just like caffeine-- well... like a lot of caffeine) and mood. I should look back at my old posts and see what I said about side effects before I become hooked on this stuff.
Anyway... so I have some pretty good reasons to keep me going right now. One is I have noticed a difference in my energy level-- it's hard to carry around this fat body! I also feel like my moods are erratic since I've been eating a lot of sugar. I have to remember that I'm pre-diabetic and there is a cure--it's called losing weight. I'm getting concerned about my health and I know that it is completely within my control. Finally, I've been eating at the cafeteria at work way too much and it's just expensive. I could save so much by bringing my lunch and could lose weight besides!
So, there you have it. My old goals are back, but I'm breaking them down much smaller this time. I just need to focus on getting to Christmas right now, then I can look forward to next Spring. This fight is life-long. It makes me sad that I've been so hard on my body for so long. I thought I was making such good progress emotionally before, but those old patterns are so deeply entrenched...
The upside is that I still haven't gained back everything I lost with Jenny Craig all those years ago. That's a pretty good endorsement for a program! Well, it also just shows how poorly I was eating those first couple years of law school. At my highest, I weighed over 20lbs more than I do now. Of course, after Jenny Craig, I weighed 20lbs less than I do now. Which goes to show how poorly I've been eating lately.
It's OK. I'm working on it now.