Yo-yoing again

I don't claim to know for sure that "yo-yoing" is a real word (autocorrect seems to indicate it's not), but it should be. Add it to the dictionary, folks! Cause it's real and it's happening.


So, last month I was so excited to be officially down 25lbs. Well,  I'm up again. I have no doubt that I will be down again some day, but that day is not today. Today I'm up 5lbs. I would like to thank Clomid for my current situation. It is certainly not my favorite thing right now. But I should also fess up that I haven't been very strict and I'm clearly at a point where I need to be to keep seeing results.

Lately I've been focusing more on the getting pregnant thing than on the dieting thing. I still haven't fallen off the wagon totally, but I did allow myself one or two cheats and several days where I just stopped counting the carbs. And Clomid really does make it harder to lose! I swear I read that somewhere. But I'm still basically (usually) on plan even with the stress of trying to get preggers. So, I think I need to see that as a good thing and just keep on going.

One thing that has definitely changed is (TMI warning!) constipation! That is definitely from the medication and it has been terrible. I am not on Miralax every day (a half dose each morning) and that has been helping. But I still wonder if that's where the extra poundage is coming from.

Hubs points out that for the foreseeable future I will be having a hard time losing so I shouldn't beat myself up about it. We're going to keep me on Clomid for a few more months and then switch to Femara (which I hear has fewer side effects, but may still stall weight loss). In the Fall, we'll talk about going to see a fertility specialist. But if the medicine does work, I'll be pregnant and will gain some weight anyway. So, really, I should be working to not gain until then. That's how he sees it anyway.

I tend to see it like, "I have to lose as much as possible before I get pregnant!" What do you all think?


Food Rituals

Warning: this is long!!

Hubs and I were talking the other day about what our lives used to be like. I have to say one of the best things about doing this with him is being able to share the experience and bond over it. I guess we're lucky that we can-- a lot of people feel isolated in their dieting experience or even feel sabotaged by those close to them when they try to make a major change. But Hubs and I have each other and we're very supportive of each other.

The BFC used to be a major topic of conversation for us. We were, frankly, a little obsessed with what we could or couldn't eat. We plotted and schemed to eke out every last carb's worth of tastiness. Things aren't like that anymore. Now it's more, "What do we have in the house to cook?" rather than "How many cups of this ice cream can we get away with?" The change was slow, I'm sure. I didn't even notice it happening. But here we are, completely un-obsessed with food.
And thank goodness!

My mother (bless her heart) taught me about food and all its many uses: sustenance, celebration, consolation, shame. She often got caught up in what were like rituals centered around food. A prime example-- Magnum bars. You know, those decadent ice cream bars enveloped in a thick, dark chocolate coating? She loved them! But she didn't just eat them when she felt like it. No, it had to be at a specific time and in a specific way.


Finally! 25lbs!!

Actually, I'm down 26.2lbs now, but I am just so happy to finally be past the 25lb mark! It has been a long struggle, but SO worth it! I've been BFC'ing for 11 months, so that works out to about 0.6lbs/week. Slow, I know, but still happening, so I'm satisfied.

Now, you all know that I've been plateaued for a long time and repeatedly. The first time, Hubs and I figured it was all the ice cream because we weren't counting it right. (And, frankly, no matter what you're eating, if you're having it all the time it's probably not good!) So, that got me back on track for a while. Then - BAM! - another plateau after Christmas. This went on for months-- there was some up and down, but it all ended up with me at the same place.

About a month ago, Hubs and I took a look at what we were actually eating and I discovered that I was probably one carb over every day because I was getting sloppy. So, this is where I made a tactical change that has made all the difference. Ready for this? Here goes: I aimed for protein at breakfast with one carb, veggies and protein for lunch with one carb, then a one carb dinner and my favorite chocolate dessert (another carb).

"But wait!" I hear you say, "That's only 5 carbs!" True, but here was my thinking-- First, I almost always over eat the carbs a tiny bit, so I'm getting more than I think I am. Second, if I'm totally dying for a snack between lunch and dinner (3 o'clock munchies, anyone?), I'll have enough carbs to not worry too much.

And it worked!

Now, my new thing is to stick with the plan, but to also cut back my chocolate a little. I almost always had 3-4 squares each night (a full carb's worth). Now I'm aiming for just 2 squares because I want to make sure I'm keeping within the sugar count and I'd like to keep my momentum going.


Time slips away

No way. There is no way that it has been 7 weeks since the MPRE and 7 weeks since I've posted. How did that happen?

Well, the good news is that I haven't gained any weight. And I've stayed on track. The bad news I haven't lost anything. But I'm OK with that in this current moment.

Since I posted I found out that I did not pass the exam. I guess I'm too unethical to be a lawyer! Haha. But seriously I'll have to take the test again in August. Ugh! This time I'll study extra hard! I don't think I took that test as seriously as I should. The first time I took it (5 years ago) I thought it was a piece of cake and I passed. So, goes to show you that you forget a lot in 5 years. Like the fact that I took an entire class to prepare for the test the first time around. Yeah... I need to find a course or something this time.

Also, the doctor has started me on Clomid. We want to have a baby and it's been just about a year that we've been trying. The whole story of how I ended up being seen by this particular doctor is kind of crazy, but within 10 minutes she had me pegged: I wasn't ovulating every month and when I did it was too late in my cycle. So, drugs it is!

I've been on it for three days now and I've already had some side effects. Some worse than others. I expected to be a raging monster, but I'm only a little more weepy than usual. The surprises for me were the hot flashes (I'm like menopausal over here!) and the THIRST! Constant, all the time, doesn't matter if I just drank a whole liter of water I want more- thirst. Which means I feel like I live my life in the ladies room at work these last few days. But it also means I've dropped 3lbs. So, silver lining. Although, I was retaining water already, so it's not a net loss.

I'm a little nervous because one of the listed side effects is weight gain. I really do not need that to happen! I'm hoping that the women that happens with they are emotional eaters or something. So, it's not just a medical eventuality, it's more something that can be prevented. That's my hope anyway!

So, that's what up with me. Oh-- and what up with all the Ghirardelli 86% chocolate being sold out everywhere?! Is this happening anywhere else or is it just my podunk neck of the woods?

I'm off to check up on you all!


Slow re-start

So, I've still kept up with eating right every day and dealing with my normal life and everything that goes with that. This weekend I have the MPRE which is the ethics exam for lawyers ("Ethics?! For lawyers?!"). I'm slowing chipping away at this process of getting licensed so I can actually, you know, practice law. We'll see whenever that all starts to happen!

Meanwhile, staying on plan has been pretty easy lately. I've cut back on my chocolate and really tried to focus on keeping track of what I'm eating. Good news-- it's working! I've lost weight again which is great!

Hubs and I have been on the BFC since June last year, so it's been 8.5 months so far. It's been a slow process (especially for me), but we have definitely changed how we eat, how we view food and how we think about taking care of our bodies. I think that's a pretty big deal! :)


Oh dear, it has been a long time

Yes, it has been a long time! Never fear, faithful readers-- I have stuck with the plan. The sad news is, though, that I haven't lost in all this time. I'm up a little bit, but not so much I can't come back.

Christmas went well, New Year's was fine, Hubs's birthday was fine... In short, we did not stray too far from the plan these last couple months. But, we weren't perfect either. Slowly, over time, I realized I was probably eating 2 carbs too many each day. And not caring about what kind of nutrition I was getting besides. My body was not happy about that.

Hubs and I are now both just barely getting over a series of flus/colds that it seems everyone on creation has had to deal with this winter. But the good news is we're getting better and we're keeping each other motivated and on track!

This last week, I've lost 1.2 lbs again by getting back to basics (much like I read Dawn was doing over at Dawn's Daily Chocolate! You've inspired me yet again!). My big focus is making sure I am counting everything right. When we first started, we didn't estimate anything-- we counted. And if we didn't know the count, we didn't eat it. That's where I am again. Cafeteria sandwiches maybe "about 2 carbs" but I'm not sure, so I won't eat it anymore.

Also-- and this is pretty big for me-- I've started yoga in the mornings! Very easy, not-too-intimidating yoga, but it's something. And you know what? It's AWESOME! My day is much more relaxed when I do and my body just feels better. It's great!

Hubs has now lost over 50lbs, but the really surprising news is that Mom-In-Law beat him to the 50lb mark! We're so proud of her and she seems like she's really enjoying the success. Yay for her!

Anyway, part of my back-to-basics is that I must blog again. It helped so much to keep me accountable. Like I said, I didn't feel like I went crazy (I didn't down a tub of ice cream or anything!), but it was a consistent slipping that really got me off track little by little. Blogging keeps me focused.

Thanks for reading!