I'm just going to accept that the Wii is sometimes right

I didn't go to the weight doctor on Monday for several reasons: 1) I was tired, 2) I didn't want to use the gas/miles, 3) I don't really believe the B5/6 shot they give me is really worth it, and 4) the Wii already told me I lost weight. I think I'll just skip this week and go next week.

The thing is, while it's not expensive to go to the weight doctor (just $15 for the shot each week), it's still money that I won't be getting back and I'm not totally convinced that the B5/6 really works. I mean, I'm all for vitamins, but I think my body should be able to lose weight just by eating less and exercising.

Speaking of exercise, I started working out at Chelsea's parents' this week. They have a workout room with a recumbant bike, eliptical machine, and weights. I did the eliptical for 15 minutes and the bike for 5, then we did a little weight training. This was on Monday. It was good, but I wasn't sore the next day, so I'm pretty sure I didn't work as hard as I should have.

Some happy news, though-- I was upset yesterday because I haven't heard about any jobs and I was telling my friend Becky. She said, "Well, on the upside, those pants are looking too big for you! Like, falling-off-your-body big." I must admit, that did make me feel better. :)

Well, we'll see what the weight doctor has in store for me next time... Maybe I'll go on Saturday. I wish I could go get weighed without having to get the shot. That's just not how it works. They would still charge me $15.

This week: -6lbs (according to the Wii, but since I skipped the weight doctor, I'll accept it as truth)

Total: -18.84lbs

Not much to report

Well, I am VERY happy to report that I have reached my short-term goal to lose 12lbs by 5/15! With almost a lb to spare, I might add. Nice. Also, seeing those inches come off is fun, too. :)

Things are going fine. I really don't have much to report. I'm just hanging around... looking for and applying to jobs. It's HARD! Every job has its own online application where you are asked to fill out your education and work history. It's surprising, actually, that no one has created a commercial resume/application filling product where you could fill that information in once and never have to worry about it again. Just import your data into an application and away you go! That would be great.

Anyway... I'm tired and everyone at work is getting on my nerves. I'm so tired of commuting every day. It's exhausting. And why are people so loud in here?! I want to close my door but it's just me and the secretary and the security guard today. But it's the people using our meeting room across the hall that are driving me crazy! What are they doing over there-- playing raquetball?

This week: -2.2lbs

Total: -12.84 lbs

Admitedly, this isn't always so easy...

Well, life certainly is stressful sometimes. That makes for some strong cravings... add to that the fact that I forgot to take the PhenD on Saturday and rehearsal ran long and you have one crabby chocolate-deprived girl. I'm doing my best though.

According to the Wii last night, I have lost 1.2lbs this week. I won't make it to the weight doctor until Thursday, so we'll just have to wait for a formal number. 1.2lbs isn't bad, but it isn't great. And I know exactly why is isn't great.

It all boils down to my dislike of sandwiches. I don't know when this happened, but I generally don't enjoy them. They're OK (and sometimes even delicious) with the right kind of bread and fillers. Lately, however, I am just plain tired of them. The bread sticks to your teeth and the stuff inside is rarely very good. Lunchmeat can never be more than lunchmeat.

So, what did I do? Well, you probably read about the Church's chicken experiement (must never do that again) and then there was the going out for a "salad" (it ended up being 1/2 a chicken slider and a salad) during rehearsal. That all adds up. But I did my best and considering the fact that I am feeling the full pressure of imminent joblessness... I think I did OK.

But, that's all about to change, isn't it? I will get a job soon enough (I've been promised!) and will be able to support myself. So, I don't need to feel stress. I just need to keep plugging along. Also, Rusty said that he would be happy to let me stay with him until I find a job. I told him I could be his cook. He laughed, but then said he'd pay me for it-- room and board (assuming I'm still unemployed). I'm so lucky to have such a generous brother! I have no idea how things are going to work out, but it's great to know that I have options if things go south.

I just feel really blessed right now. It's so wonderful to have a great family support system and to be such good friends with my family members on top of that! Life is ok in the end.

This week: -1.2lbs

Total: -12lbs

I am stronger than I thought...

I was fearful, as my boss was telling me that my internship will definitely end in July, that I would fall off the wagon and go crazy with ice cream, chocolate, etc. When I left work, I was very hungry and I thought about Sonic... so easy, so delicious!

But I just told myself to stop thinking about that stuff and just eat what I had with me for dinner. So, on the way to rehearsal, I ate my good food and try to pep myself up. That only kind of worked. But by the time I got there, I felt a lot better, although I realized I had forgotten to bring half of my food with me!

So, after rehearsal, I asked Becky if she wanted to go out to dinner. We went to Rudy's Mexican restaurant (which is my new favorite dive). The menu was inviting and I was starving! But, I guess I am stronger than I thought!

I actually was able to calculate what I could eat on the menu and what I definitely should not have. No chimichanga for me. No cheesy quesadilla. No chips before the waitress took my order! I was amazing. I got a dinner salad with some guacamole (delicious, but very spicy!!) and a chicken soft taco. Not only did I get the right kind of food, I loved it AND it was VERY cheap! Then, the waitress pushed soft-serve ice cream on us ("It's free with your dinner! It's fat free! Have some!"). I caved! She brought it over and I picked up the little plastic spoon, dipped it in and had a bite. But just one! It was hardly even difficult to push the cup away from me after that.

I was very proud of myself. And I am today, too! I didn't pack a lunch because... well... I'm tired of sandwiches. (Note to self: bring real food next week!) I was talking about it with Chelsea this morning and she said I could have one of her frozen meals because they were "pretty good" when it came to calories, etc. (I'm supposed to have 220-250 cals per meal). So, she pulled out a Marie Callendar's chicken parmesan-- 640 cals! Chicken alfredo-- 330! That's a lot of calories! I thanked her, but said no.

So... long story somewhat shorter-- I went to Church's Chicken for lunch. Really not the best place to find healthy food. I can't claim that what I had was healthy, but it was at least the right calorie/carb content. I had missed a meat at breakfast, so I was able to eat 3 servings of meat and a starch. Luckily, I did bring carrots and applesauce with me to fill out my fruit/veggie requirements. I ended up getting a chicken strip meal with no sides. It came with four strips and, after reading the nutritional information on line, I found that I could have two strips. And oh my goodness, it was yummy. A little too yummy, I'm afraid.

So, now I'm full and happy. :) Kim and I are going out to eat, though, and this might present another challenge. It'll be easier if we go somewhere I can have fish. Restaurants tend to treat fish a little better than they treat other meats. As long as I don't get anything fried, it shouldn't be too big of a deal.

I guess this ended up being a food diary entry of sorts. Sorry about that.

Birthday party update

I wrote earlier about the challenge of going to a birthday party and avoiding the cake. Well, I got sick, so I didn't go. Hooray! Temptation averted!

But it stil leaves open the question of how to handle that situation when I don't feel particularly strong. I think maybe having a buddy to remind me and stick up for me if people start to lay on the pressure could help. Hm... worth considering.

Long rant... sorry. Good week, though

So, another good week. I lost 3.5lbs! Yay!

I missed my meds once or twice this week which made it a little harder. It's funny because I had gotten used to what it feels like to be on PhenD, so when I didn't take it I kept thinking, "Why am I so hungry?" It really does work.

My biggest problem this week is generally not feeling like eating. I'm tired of all the food-- it just feels like so much. I guess because I have to be constantly thinking about what I'm going to make, how much, etc. This is why Jenny Craig was so easy-- I never had to think. I just had to chew and swallow.

On the other hand, it's a good thing because I'm getting used to planning out what I eat. The first couple week, I didn't mind the repetative meals (egg for breakfast, sandwich for lunch...). Now, though, I'm craving variety. So instead of just boiled chicken, I bought ground turkey (thank you, Biggest Loser!) and made turkey spaghetti. It was delicious. And I'm trying to vary the kinds of fruit I eat as well.

I thought drinking enough water was going to be a problem, but it really isn't. The PhenD makes me thirsty anyway, but then I also have just gotten used to not drinking anything but water and milk. It's not so bad.

The worst "temptations" (if you can even call them that) this week have been commercials. Pizza! Chicken! Pepsi! They all look so appealing on TV. I was watching TV the other day when a Pizza Hut commercial came on and I thought, "Ah, those were the good old days. Coming home from law school, being really tired and ordering a pizza. Then zoning out in front of the TV while stuffing myself into numbness." I remembered what that super-stuffed feeling was like and I wanted that again. I don't even remember what had happened during the day-- or if there even was anything that happened that made me crave food. Maybe it was just the commercial.

But that yearning for high-fat, high-calorie comfort food also made me sad. Maybe it's because there were a lot of sad feelings I was trying to cover up with food, so much so that now that food means not only comfort, but sadness, too.

It's not all meloncholy these days, though. In fact, it was just that one time that I started to look back at my habits and feel sorry for myself-- for the "old" me. I'm also noticing that sometimes, I really judge people for what they eat. I can't believe it, but there are moments when I see a pudgy person eating junk food and I think, "And you wonder why you're pudgy?" I don't want to judge other people for their food choices, though. That's not right. And I don't want to feel self-righteous because I'm making good choices, either. Hm.

Finally... (I guess it's been too long since I blogged. Sorry, this is getting really rambling...) Finally, I'm realizing just how out of touch most people seem to be when it comes to eating right. I read a student's paper about obesity in America and it said a Whopper has something like 1,500 calories which is "3/4 of your daily calories." Three-fourths of whose calories? That's at least 300 calories more than what I should be eating and I'm average height for a woman. It's 3/4 of the daily calories for the average man, maybe.

This week: -3.5lbs

Total: -10.64lbs

Had a cold, went to rehearsal

Man, if this play doesn't help me lose weight, nothing will! I can't really remember the last time I worked this hard! Now, dancing isn't something that I consider one of my intrinsic talents, so there's a little bit of self-doubt going on. At least I'm remembering the steps for the most part.
They post the videos of our rehearsal online which is mortifying. I can see myself a few times here and there and it's not a pretty sight! Yikes! I have to lose so much weight. Let's see... the play is on June 26th, so that gives me 7.5 weeks. 2lbs/week means 15 pounds. That doesn't seem like a lot. Now, if I could lose 3lbs/week then it could really be something!
I weighed myself on the Wii today. I know, I know... I shouldn't do that because it only sets me up for dissappointment later. Oh well. It says I'm down 2.2 lbs this week. Yay! Well, I should really hold my yay's until I actually go to the doctor on Monday.
OK, enough obsessing about lbs lost. I am losing just fine without added pressure to meet some kind of deadline by a certain date. This will be a long process-- and it's better that way. I will be more likely to keep the weight off if I take my time with it.
Anyway... I need to shower. I'm stinky from rehearsal and tired!!
PS. I had a cold and now it's pretty much gone.