Dang it, Birthday!

Well, I've paid the price for my birthday splurging. I'm up a pound since Friday. Grr! I'm so mad at myself now! Its wasn't even very satisfying all that extra sugar! Overall, I'm still down 9lbs, but that's the same as last week.

My dad will tell me that I'll see a big drop in the next few days because that's how it seemed to always work for him. He's been a very successful dieter... a number of times. He also has tried many different plans, but he's amazing at sticking with it whereas me-- not so much. At least I wasn't.

Now, everything's changed. I have a diet-buddy in Hubs and I don't think I'll ever go back to how I used to eat. When we were in that cycle of overeating, we did not feel good about ourselves. My idea of showing Hubs I was thinking of him was to buy him his favorite candy. We kept up this cycle together-- each enabling the other. I'm so glad that we both decided to start on this journey at the same time.

I'll be honest, it wasn't an easy change mentally for me. Hubs had kept saying he wanted to lose weight and be healthier and he asked me for my help a number of times. I would try to help him limit his portions for a while, but I never gave a second thought when he went back for more. I knew very well that my main problems were with soda and other extra junk like that, and I figured one day I'd slow down.

Then, one day came! Out of nowhere and deeply affecting. I was teaching Sunday School and one of the little girls (a 6-year old) said to me, pointing at my belly, "You're going to have a baby soon!" Yeah. Ouch. Folks, kids don't lie! I told her I was not actually going to have a baby and she said, "Then why is your stomach all out like that?" Eek. Yet, good point, young lady. I told her, "Well, because I'm just a chubby lady." She laughed at that and then turned back to her coloring.

Afterwards, I told Hubs about it. He said all the right things (because he's good like that). Then I went into the bathroom and took a good, honest look at myself. I had been overweight for a long time, so I had gotten used to seeing myself flabby. But I looked a little harder and tried to see beyond the expected image of myself. I finally saw this large woman looking back at me-- face round, arms heavy, rolls of fat on my midsection. I was no longer "pleasantly plump" or "kind of a big girl". No, I was just fat. Something had to change.

I went back into the bedroom and told Hubs that I wanted to see what his doctor had been going on about. We watched the video and talked, shocked at how our habits were slowly killing us. We realized that we really only had to make a few major changes and our health would improve dramatically, even if slowly.

We went through our pantry and fridge that night and were surprised by all the things we had around that had hidden sugars. We measured out what a real serving of rice should look like. We started to change our perspective on how we nourish our bodies.

I realize as I'm writing this that so far, this experience has been as much about how I feel about myself as how I take care of my husband. We encourage each other to make wise choices with nutrition now. Every time we do that, we are taking care of each other. Giving Hubs candy "because I love you!" is not showing that I really care. That's hurting him in the end. What I should have been doing is finding ways to help him accomplish the goals he has set for himself.

And so far, so good! At 21lbs lighter (as of today's weigh in), Hubs has noticed some major changes: His "fat" clothes look baggy on him and clothes he hasn't been able to wear in over a year are fitting again. His breathing is less labored and he hasn't needed an inhaler! Also, he has a lot more energy-- I'm surprised at how quickly that happened!

As for me... So I'm up 1lb. So what? I'm down 9 still. That's 9 pounds I don't have to carry around with me anymore! Nine pounds that will never affect me again! I'm sure as I continue with dedication that I will be successful in the end.

I never wanted this to be a quick fix. I wanted this to be a new life. So, I guess I just keep living it!

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