I did it!!!

I made my short term goal! I have lost 8 lbs!!! Woohoo!

New short term goal needed now, I guess! :)

I take that back-- I'm doing fine!

I just looked at my food diary and I'm actually doing fine. I don't know why I was getting uptight about it. I mean, I'm not anywhere near 1200 calories, but I'm still hovering around 1600, usually under that. That's pretty good. Gosh-- I just need to cut myself a break!

Anyway... I'm doing good. Yeah!

I haven't been doing too well

Honestly, I thought I was doing great, but my weight jumped back up. (I know, I know! Don't weight every day!) Anyway, it frustrated me. And I was sick and fell into the whole "I deserve this fast food" shame spiral that happens. I'm making up for it today (so far, so good), but I'm stressed out and tired and still not feeling 100%. I just want to go home, but I hate to use up my sick time. So, I'll stick it out for a couple hours and crumple when I get home. :(

At least I have tomorrow off! I had big plans with my nieces, but that's been called off. So... I'll just have to think of fun stuff to do with them at home, I guess.

Food diary

I was writing in an associated blog for my food diary, but it's hard to keep up, so I've decided to use the one at MedHelp. That one's nice too because it gives you totals for all your calories and nutrients. It's great! I've already noticed that I'm eating more calories than I thought, but getting a good variety of food.

I thought I was around 1400 cals a day, but it's more like 1600 cals. I think that will just have to suffice for now. Maybe when I hit a plateau I can play with my calorie intake. For now, I'm happy with how things are. I don't feel very deprived all that often and when I do, I make a quasi desert-type thing (like graham crackers with a few semi-sweet chocolate chips) and it seems to calm my cravings. Also, because it's cold out, I'm loving hot chocolate! But only one a day and low fat, low sugar (Nesquik). Still, it adds a couple hundred calories, which is why my cals aren't as low as I'd hoped.

Phen-D turned out to be a mistake. It made my whole body feel tense, like I was on a really fast roller coaster. I don't know how to explain it, but I didn't like it. I got a cramp in my neck a couple times with it and decided to call it quits. It really did help with appetite suppression, but I feel like I have to learn how to talk myself through hunger at some point anyway.

I will always remember what Oprah Winfrey said about hunger pains. She said her trainer told her, "It's not hunger, it's your body losing weight." That helps. If I'm not feeling weak, etc., then it's not really hunger. Seems to be working for me anyway!

Almost 1 week

I've done really well this last week. When things got tough, I thought to myself, "If I don't eat extra right now, I will lose 1lb as a result." If that were really true, I would have lost 20lbs this week! As it is, I think I've lost 3lbs which is great!

Anyway, things are pretty good.

This week: -3 lbs

Total: -3lbs

After one day...

Feels good to be back in the saddle. I feel more in control of my life which is a nice change.

I went grocery shopping last night and was rather pleased with myself for planning meals and buying only what was on my list. My only mistake was picking up sweet potatoes rather than regular baking potatoes. At least the bag was only $1! Now... to come up with a recipe using sweet potatoes... Also, the store didn't have leeks, which was a disappointment.

On the up side, I have a wonderful lunch planned and waiting for me. I do like eating good food-- good for me, that is. It's amazing how eating the right foods makes you feel so much better!

And, although I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day, I did weigh myself today and I was down 1lb! It's amazing what no soda will do! :)

Starting Over

Well, I had some good success with the weight doctor and being in the play helped me get some exercise, but I let all that work go to waste and have gained back everything I lost. Serious bummer! But I'm getting back into it again, this time using the weight doctor's diet, but not relying on the weight doctor. If I went back now, I'd have to pay the initial fee again and that's just too much $$ right now. Besides, I really thought the shots were worthless.

I do have a bunch of the Phen-D left, though. I've decided to cut the pills in half and see if a half dose will help curb hunger and help me jump start my efforts. I recently have been trying to stop drinking caffeine, so I am more tired than usual lately. If I eat a whole lot less as well, I'll be pretty grumpy. The Phen-D helps with energy (just like caffeine-- well... like a lot of caffeine) and mood. I should look back at my old posts and see what I said about side effects before I become hooked on this stuff.

Anyway... so I have some pretty good reasons to keep me going right now. One is I have noticed a difference in my energy level-- it's hard to carry around this fat body! I also feel like my moods are erratic since I've been eating a lot of sugar. I have to remember that I'm pre-diabetic and there is a cure--it's called losing weight. I'm getting concerned about my health and I know that it is completely within my control. Finally, I've been eating at the cafeteria at work way too much and it's just expensive. I could save so much by bringing my lunch and could lose weight besides!

So, there you have it. My old goals are back, but I'm breaking them down much smaller this time. I just need to focus on getting to Christmas right now, then I can look forward to next Spring. This fight is life-long. It makes me sad that I've been so hard on my body for so long. I thought I was making such good progress emotionally before, but those old patterns are so deeply entrenched...

The upside is that I still haven't gained back everything I lost with Jenny Craig all those years ago. That's a pretty good endorsement for a program! Well, it also just shows how poorly I was eating those first couple years of law school. At my highest, I weighed over 20lbs more than I do now. Of course, after Jenny Craig, I weighed 20lbs less than I do now. Which goes to show how poorly I've been eating lately.

It's OK. I'm working on it now.